I just finished a book called Hell Yeah or No by Derek Sivers. What struck me the most was a section where he explored how to discern the things worth doing.
Sivers observed that the traditional soul-searching questions we ask are What do I love? or What makes me happy?
These questions often work poorly.
If we have a long list of interests, it may be hard to narrow them down. What pleases us is not the same as the right thing to do. Most often, we simply don’t know the answers.
Sivers suggests an alternative question, what do you hate NOT doing? What makes you feel depressed or annoyed like your life has gone astray if you don’t do it?
Earlier this week, I had a day filled with work meetings and personal appointments. I typically start my morning by writing down a short list of the most important things to do for the day, but I made the mistake of jumping in without a loose plan.
When I was in a Zoom meeting, I realized I was overdue to call the insurance company to follow up on a claim. While waiting to be connected on the call, I started drafting a document for work. The insurance agent picked up, and as we were talking, I browsed new Instant Pot cooking recipes. While in another meeting, I checked traffic to see how long it would take to get to my doctor’s appointment.
I must have checked my work email 50 times in between.
The constant context-switching frustrated me. I felt like I had wasted my day. Sure, I sent emails and did admin tasks, but I didn’t do anything meaningful.
Years ago, I read another insightful book called Quiet by Susan Cain, a lawyer-turned-writer. The book made me realize I am more of an introvert (and, more importantly, it’s okay to be one). A telltale sign is that I prefer to recharge quietly: reading, journaling, and listening to music with my noise-canceling headphones.
Having introverted tendencies doesn’t mean I don’t like talking with people (I do). It does mean that changing tasks tires me out more quickly than my extroverted buddies.
Conversely, it means I do my best work when I’m alone and focused.
This observation explains my frustration earlier this week: I hate NOT focusing. I become miserable when I don’t have quality time dedicated to an important task or project.
This simple observation took me years to discover. Once I noticed it, though, I experimented with structuring my days to get focus time earlier in the day. Now I aim to read, write, or take a walk first thing in the morning. I tackle the essential but more difficult tasks earlier in the day when it’s quiet. I push meetings and in-person activities to the afternoon when possible since I don’t need to be in my optimal state.
Knowing what’s ideal doesn’t mean we always get to do it. Some days are more challenging than others. But knowing what, if absent, will deprive us is helpful.
Then it struck me. Why not put “what makes me happy” and “what I hate not doing” on a 2×2? Here’s my version—it was a fun exercise (I may turn this into a t-shirt). I’d love to see yours (here’s a blank template)!
