A vivid bad dream wakes me up. I find myself wide awake in the middle of the night, unable to go back to sleep.
Work problems and life worries surface in my head. I can’t help but to think about them. There is nothing constructive I can do at 2am in the morning. Still, my mind can’t resist.
The clock is ticking. The sense of dread builds up. Another hour has passed, but I am more restless than ever. I toss and turn. I am anxious about work the next day. I’m upset at the situation. I am also angry at myself.
“Why am I not asleep already?”
Eventually, I manage to fall asleep for a short while. It feels like I have lost consciousness for hours. Unfortunately, my bedside clock says it’s been only 45 minutes. I force myself to close my eyes again. The cycle repeats.
Finally, it’s 7am. I should be getting up now. But my body doesn’t move. I am already exhausted before the day has even started.
What Happens When We Can’t Fall Asleep?
This used to happen to me quite a lot, especially in my twenties.
Sleeping disorders are very common. In the US, up to 70 million people are affected every year. That’s almost 1 out of every 4 people.
In the moment of sleeplessness, most things are out of our control. We can’t change whether we get a bad dream or not. We don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night. We can’t control the thoughts that come to mind. They all just happen.
But what wakes us up is not what keeps us awake. Rather, what truly keeps us awake are ideas.
What Ideas?
When we look more deeply, a series of ideas keep us awake. These ideas include:
- “I should solve this problem in my head right now.”
- “I have to follow this thought.”
- “I can analyze my way out of this.”
- “I need energy for the next day.”
- “I should be sound asleep at this point.”
- “I am so tired.”
- “I will feel so groggy when I wake up.”
- “Tomorrow is going to suck!”
The possibilities are endless. We try to solve problems. We make projections. We hold ourselves to an expectation (should be sleeping) that we are by definition not meeting (being awake). We resist what’s happening. We are hard on ourselves.
When we tightly cling to these ideas, we enter into a self-perpetuating cycle of dread. This in turn makes it even harder to fall asleep.
How Do We Usually Sleep?
Think back on how you normally asleep. What do you do?
If you draw a blank or have a hard time answering, that’s because you don’t really do anything. You don’t analyze. You don’t judge yourself. You don’t think about tomorrow.
You close your eyes. You relax. You let the body do its natural thing. All you do is non-doing. That, my friend, is an insight that may help us through the next time we experience insomnia.
What Can We Do Instead?
So, here are a few things to try the next time you face sleeplessness.
- Accept the reality: You are awake now. Nothing can change what has happened. It is what it is.
- Focus on the breath: Take a few deep breaths. When you breathe in, you can say, “Breathe in, I know I am breathing in.” When you breath out, you can say, “Breathe out, I know I’m breathing out.” This mantra can help you stay focused on the rising and falling sensations of the breath.
- Acknowledge the ideas that arise: Ideas will start to creep in. They want to lure you down some rabbit hole. Instead of resisting these thoughts, gently acknowledge them. You can say “Ah, the idea that I should be asleep by now. I see you. I understand you.”
- Let go of the ideas: Once you create some space for the idea, you can then let it go. Release it as you breathe out. You can say “Idea, thanks for coming by. I’m going to let you go.” As you do it, bring your attention back to the breath.
- Stay still: If you can, pick a peaceful position and stay with it. Sleeping on your back may give you a greater balance, but do what’s most comfortable for you. After a while, it may be tempting to change sleeping positions. It’s really just another idea. You can say, “Idea, thank you for the suggestion to change my sleeping position. I am also going to let you go now.”
I hope you will be able to find more peace in your sleep. Happy sleeping!