Jimmy Chim

Tag: Fun

  • Is It Possible to Tell a Story with 3 Sentences: My 17 Attempts

    These are mostly silly personal stories.

    1. Nun: A Catholic nun at my elementary school got my friends and me in trouble for running (the school was tiny with too many students and didn’t allow anyone to run during recess). When the nun—who might have been Italian, I am not sure—stopped us, I uttered the only non-Chinese words I knew: “Oh my God!” The nun let my friends go, and I received standing punishment for the rest of recess.
    2. Day 1 in America: When I arrived at San Francisco International Airport in 2007, my cell phone didn’t have service, so I went to a public phone booth to call my cousin, who would pick me up. En route to San Jose, I couldn’t find my phone and panicked. After searching through my backpack six times, I realized I had left my phone at the airport phone booth after I looked up my cousin’s phone number.
    3. Loyalty program: As a college freshman, I frequented a small independent coffee shop on campus. One day I had an idea: the coffee shop could use a loyalty program—something like buy 5 drinks and get 1 for free—to boost its business. I pitched the idea to the owner, who said, “thank you, but no thank you.”
    4. DMV: My driving instructor showed me the only route that the Los Gatos DMV (near San Jose) used for testing. During the driving test, I almost signaled too early during the test before the officer even asked me to make a left. I passed my driving exam with zero mistakes.
    5. Black Friday: In my first year in America, my friends invited me to queue up overnight for Thanksgiving Black Friday sale at Fry’s Electronics. When the store opened at 5:30 am, the crowd went nuts after freezing in the cold for hours and was close to stepping on each other. I lost one of my shoes for 30 seconds but retrieved it amid the chaos. Despite having no car, I walked out of the store with a TomTom GPS.
    6. Honest rating: During a phone interview for a summer internship, an interviewer at Morgan Stanley asked how I would rank my finance skills. I hadn’t taken a finance class then, so I gave myself 3 out of 10. I never heard back.
    7. Skipping lunch: I once was at Apple’s Cupertino headquarters for an in-person job interview. Two associates said they would accompany me to lunch when the panel interview was over. I was dumb enough to not realize lunch was still part of the interview and said, “No, thank you. I need to go back to campus for class.” Again, I never heard back.
    8. Partner: I once attended a 50-person summer party at an accounting firm partner’s house. When I bumped into the partner, I had a brain fart and said, “Thank you, Josh, for hosting the party. It’s fantastic.” The partner said, “You’re welcome. My name is Chad, though.” My career never advanced.
    9. Target: I once had an assignment doing financial diligence (read: analyze numbers) on a company in Vancouver on behalf of a client. When the Canadian immigration officer asked for my reason for visiting, I said, “I’m here to investigate the target (the term we internally use to confidentially refer to a company potentially acquired).” The officer raised his eyebrow and took me to secondary screening.
    10. Speeding: A cop once pulled me over for driving 45 miles per hour in a 25-mph zone. I apologized and explained I speeded because I had to go to the bathroom. He said, “Well, now you have to wait even longer,” and gave me a $480 ticket.
    11. Delicacies: The three most exotic things I have eaten in my life are 1) snake soup at a wedding in Hong Kong, 2) cow eye tacos (tacos de ojos) in Mexico City, 3) a guinea pig (cuy) in Peru. I will eat none of the above again. Speaking of Mexico…
    12. Corn: My wife was mortified that I bought corn in a cup on the streets of Mexico City. She said, “Did you not see the mayonnaise had been under the sun the whole day, and the container’s rim was black from the smog?” I survived—in fact, thrived—for the rest of the trip without diarrhea.
    13. Wedding proposal: I proposed to my wife with a bracelet and a handwritten letter. I read the letter out loud in front of Inca ruins in Peru. No ring, but it worked.
    14. Mezcal: My wife and I brought a hundred 50mL bottles of mezcal from Mexico back to the U.S. At the border, the customs officer said we exceeded the alcohol limit five times and would have to pay taxes. I said I was unaware of the rules and that the mezcal bottles were gifts for our wedding guests. The officer said, “Today is your lucky day—the United States government is giving you a break. Congratulations on your wedding!”
    15. Credit card: While applying for a credit card, the website said I could add 3 users for bonus reward points, so I included my dad, my mom, and my dog. A card engraved with “Xing Chim” arrived two weeks later.
    16. Yosemite: When I checked the weather before a trip to Yosemite National Park, the weather app said it would be 40F (5C), so I told my mom to only pack warm clothes as if it was snowing (she’s afraid of the cold). When we got there, it was 85F (30C). I realized I had checked the peak of Yosemite. We burned up and went home early.
    17. Yellowstone: The day before flying to Yellowstone, I panicked when I realized no car rentals at the airport would allow underage renters (I was one month away from turning 21). My two other companions couldn’t rent a car, either, so we drove 1,000 miles from Berkeley and got there in a day to not lose out on the nonrefundable hotel rooms. It took us 18 hours to pass through Nevada and Idaho and enter Wyoming (I had never driven outside of California then.) The scariest part was the heavy fog at midnight—for half an hour the visibility on Interstate 80 was close to zero. We took a nap at a Walgreens parking lot in Reno for half an hour at 3 am along the way. I don’t recommend visiting a national park this way.

  • Why My Dog Had a Credit Card

    The first month after we brought Xing home

    My dad decided to replace me a few months before I left for America.

    When he came across an online listing for someone to adopt a 2-year-old white Pekingese, we drove to a sleepy part of my hometown to check it out.

    We rang the doorbell and walked into the owner’s apartment. After a brief eye contact with us, the dog started racing in a zigzag pattern across the tiny living room—no more than 200 square feet and not uncommon in Macau—as if he had never seen a visitor in his life.

    He kept accelerating. He soon started panting loudly. He stuck his tongue out.

    The owner told us that the dog was a gift from his sister to keep him company. He was in a wheelchair most of the time and had difficulty leaving the house.

    “It would be best if someone else could walk him more often.”

    After we saw him for the first time…

    We convened a family meeting at home.

    My mom resisted the idea of a pet. She didn’t want more responsibilities around the house. “Who is going to pick up its poop?” she asked.

    My dad was adamant and decided to go ahead.

    “One day, I am going to snap my finger, and he will jump up to a chair so you can see him on video over Skype,” he told me after he brought Xing home.

    That prediction came nowhere close. He didn’t know that Pekingese is one of the least obedient breeds.

    For the next 14 years…

    I couldn’t remember a conversation with my parents without us mentioning Xing (“star” in Cantonese).

    How he got stung by a bee the other day. How he swallowed the toothpaste cap and threw up three days in a row. How he stepped on a cockroach with his paw.

    I visited home every two or three years. Every time when I arrived, Xing approached me as if I had never left.

    Xing loved the park near our house. He would forget about my parents when he was there. It didn’t matter how loud my parents barked; Xing remained poised and wandered in whatever direction he pleased, wholly absorbed in his world. Honestly, it wasn’t clear who owned who.

    Never say no to treats, never.

    One day I was applying for a credit card online…

    Halfway through the credit card application, an offer popped up. I could get extra points for every user added to the account, for free, and for up to a maximum of three family members. No identity validation was required.

    I put my dad’s name in the first field.

    I put my mom’s name in the second field.

    In the third field, I typed: X. I. N. G.

    Then I hesitated.

    “Should I give him a last name? I can’t just put the first name, right? It must be a full name… Xing Chim, it is.”

    An engraved credit card bearing that name came in the mail three weeks later. My wife (then girlfriend) couldn’t stop laughing about it.

    My parents still go to Xing’s favorite park…

    My dad and mom usually take a daily stroll after dinner. Xing practically lives in the park now. In 2020, my parents planted his cremated remains in (allegedly) his favorite banyan tree, with a pleasant view of a reservoir.

    They still talk about him every day. How he hated the vacuum cleaner and fireworks. How he got a little drunk once after sipping some beer (Yes, we had him try a little.) How he dared to pick fights with the bigger dogs in that same park.

    He also loved 100-dollar bills.

    Rich guy.