Last Updated: Nov 14, 2022

In 2022, I committed to writing at least 20 minutes a day. Since then, I’ve been reading, researching, and experimenting how gather ideas, write better, and write more consistently.

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How to Gather Ideas

Pay attention. Good ideas are never far from you. Books. Youtube videos. A friend’s comment. Nature. Thoughts in your shower. Practice observing.

Collect stories. Nothing captures our brain like interesting stories. The best ones are counterintuitive, full of conflicts, and filled with surprises.

Write down ideas right away. If you come across something interesting, jot it down. Carry a pocket-size notebook, or use the Notes app on your phone. Think you will remember it later? You won’t.

Build a database. Consolidate all your ideas into a system. You can use a journal, a note app, or index cards (my favorite). The idea is to have all your notes in one central location, so you can refer to them later when you need to.

Read broadly. Be curious about a variety of topics. Explore fields you are not familiar with. The best insights often come from connecting great ideas from fields that seem unrelated.

Read deeply. It’s never about the number of books you read (speed reading is BS). Instead, read to absorb and understand. If you come across a great book, read it again, again, and again. You will realize how much you missed the first time around. Underlines great lines. Use the margin to have a conversation with the author. Transfer the best lines into your database.

Chase down the footnotes. I used to ignore references and bibliography. Now they are gold mines to me. Wonder how your favorite author wrote the book in your hand? She read the materials as listed in the back of her book. If you keep digging, you will get closer to the source. Along the way, you will discover new gems you never expected.

Do non-writing activities. The best ideas worth writing about never come from writing itself. Writing is about non-writing. Go do interesting things. Draw, dance, play. Try something new. Exert yourself physically: run, hike, and play sports. Challenge yourself to something you’re uncomfortable with. These are great sources of inspiration.

Don’t be afraid to steal (but give credit.) All good writing references work done by other writers. No one comes up with brand new, nor is that necessary. Copy your favorites quotes and stories. When the time comes, insert into your work but add your own twist. Always give credit.

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How to Write Better

Write simply. Stick to short sentences. Don’t be afraid to use periods. If one word is enough, eliminate everything else. Brevity is a gift.

Remove, remove, remove. If 1,000 words can be reduced to 100, use 100. If 100 words can be reduced to 10, use 10. If 10 words can be reduced to 0, use 0.

Use powerful words. Don’t use general words like good or bad. Does good mean rewarding, fruitful, or inspiring? Does bad mean punishing, lackluster, or dreadful?

Use active voice. It’s easier to read and more powerful.

Show, not tell (when possible). Instead of saying “he is nervous,” describe what’s visually happening. “His hands are trembling” conveys the same idea but is far more interesting.

Rewrite stories in your own words. You’ve read a book and other materials about an interesting story. Now rewrite it in different lengths: a 30-second version for a cocktail party, a 2-minute version for a short article, and a 2000-word version for an essay. You will see the story in new lights afterwards.

Separate writing and editing: Dedicate a session to either writing or editing. If it’s a writing session, just write. Do a “word vomit.” Let all the words out without revising. Come back the next day for editing. Mixing writing and editing wastes a lot of time.

Create a rough outline first: Instead of starting to type right away, take a few minutes to write down the key ideas (I use my physical journal). Creating a simple “map” shows where you are heading. You can then assess whether that’s the direction you want to go.

Rewrite, rewrite, rewrite: Writing is rewriting. Don’t be afraid to reset and start over. Your version two, three and four will be far more refined than version one.

Let Go of Perfection. Perfection is an illusion. When you seek perfection, you fear failure. But writing is not about success. It’s about you and your ideas. Accept it will never be perfect anyway.

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How to Write Consistently

Write everyday: It’s easiest to commit 100% than to commit 80%. When every day is writing day, you don’t have to wonder if you need to write today.

Keep a few things the same: If possible, write at the same time, at the same place, and on the same device. When you are familiar with the environment, more energy goes into the creative process, instead of finding the tools that you need.

Dedicate a device for writing: I have an older laptop where it can’t do much other than word processing. That’s perfect.

Stop if you are stuck. The moment you feel stuck, you should stop. There’s nothing worse than forcing yourself to sit when you are running dry. Go for a walk, do something else, and come back the next day. There’s always tomorrow.

Eliminate all distractions: Put all electronic devices in another room or lock them in a drawer. Turn off wifi. Use a distraction free writing software (I use iAWriter on a Mac) or simply use a text editor.

I used to struggle with emails. I’d read the same email multiple times, miss an important message, or respond too late.

Over the last 10 years, I have refined my own version of “inbox zero” — a methodical practice to clear out the entire inbox. I do this on most days with my work email, and once every couple weeks with my personal email (I use Gmail for both).

The biggest benefit of this practice is the clarity on what else needs be processed and what action items remain. This gives me peace of mind.

A central part of this practice is archive. When a message is archived, it is removed from the inbox but it remains in your email system. You can always search and access any archive messages later on. If you use Gmail, the archive shortcut is to press “e” on your keyboard (if the shortcut doesn’t work, you need to first keyboard shortcut in your Gmail settings).

For every message in my inbox, I do one of the following:

• Archive informational messages that require no action. This applies to 90% of my emails: alerts, announcements, receipts, confirmations, updates from subscribed email lists, and group emails.
  
• Reply to messages that require a response, such as event invitations and information requests. If a response requires less than 2 minutes, I respond right away. Archive immediately after response.
  
• Snooze messages where a delayed response makes sense. This applies to non-urgent email where pieces of information are still pending or you don’t want to think on it today. Snoozing temporarily removes the message from the inbox until a specified time in the future. An example is someone requests information that won’t be available until next week. In that case, I click on the snooze button (the “clock” icon in Gmail) and select next Monday. I can forget about this message until it emerges again on Monday when I can finally act on it.
  
• Unsubscribe from all ads and email lists that no longer provide any value. Use the unsubscribe link at the bottom of an email or the unsubscribe button at the top in Gmail. While unsubscribing is an extra step, this reduces hundreds of messages in the future.
  
• Set filters to automatically archive messages that you cannot subscribe. This works well bank notifications, payment confirmations, or other recurring messages that you want to retain in your email system for future reference. I filter based on a combination of sender name/email address (e.g. “Bank of America”) and/or certain subject lines (e.g. “Your payment is received”).

After the above process, a few important messages usually remain. These are messages that need further thinking and actions. What I need to do next is then clear.

As the pandemic subsides, I can’t help but to ponder what I have learned from the last two extraordinary years.

The biggest lesson: Nothing is permanent.

When covid became serious in March 2020, I naively thought the virus would wind down by summer time. I religiously tracked daily cases, with the misplaced hope that the virus would simply disappear one day.

I gave up after a few months.

Having lived three decades, I had never seen people so fraught with fear and uncertainties. Hospitals and morgues were overrun. Gun sales in the US exploded. Lockdowns were implemented.

When I went to the stores for masks and toilet paper — my house was down to two rolls at one point — I came home empty handed.

The busy world ground to a halt. The outlook was so bleak as if the situation would never improve again.

But it did. We learned more about the virus. We adapted how we live to keep ourselves and others safe. We rolled out vaccines, which saved many lives.

The journey has been chaotic, but step by step we slowly figure out a way forward.

Everything — both the good and the bad — passes. We never know how long a situation will last. All we can do is to accept what’s happening and try our personal best to face it. The dust eventually settles.

Accepting this is easier said than done. We don’t want changes. It’s natural, for example, to desire a return to a “normal” pre-pandemic world without the virus. We hold tightly onto certain ideas of how things are supposed to be, as if we are permanently entitled to a certain way of living.

This way of thinking, however, is an illusion. The world is constantly evolving. There’s no normal: it only lives in our head. When we refuse to accept impermanence, we experience pain. We suffer.

The virus is here to stay. The question is how we will co-exist with it. Once we accept this new reality, we can get creative and craft a new path. This is how we grow.

We will have to continue to do the same in the future. Covid is not the last crisis we will have to deal with.

The better we understand the impermanent nature of everything, the less suffering we will have.

At the beginning of 2022, I committed to writing at least 20 minutes every day. Three months into the year, I am pleased to report that I have not missed a day of writing, which has been a delightful surprise.

Plenty of my writing attempts in the past have been abandoned within a week’s time. What’s different this time?

Focus on the input, not the output.

In the past, I would set a target on the output, say, a polished essay a day. While finishing a piece is possible on a good day, but it is simply unsustainable. Some topics take longer to think, write, and revise. How long it takes is beyond my control. When I fail to meet the daily goal, I am demoralized, which makes writing the next day more challenging.

A better approach is to aim at how much time to put in instead. I have control over the number of minutes I dedicate to every sitting. As long as I put in the time, the output naturally falls into place.

Start small.

I used to “go big” when I made a new resolution. Once I set my eyes on a new thing, I’d work non-stop for hours for a couple days and became completely exhausted. Then I’d lose steam as other things in life demanded my time and attention.

It’s better to start with the absolute minimum. I started with writing three bullets in my journal, which took a couple of minutes. When I feel encouraged, I keep going.

Do a little bit every day.

It’s easier to commit to a habit 100% of the time, instead of 90% of the time. I tried writing only on certain days or weekends only, but I had trouble keeping track which day it was.

My conclusion: I must write every day, but only a very manageable amount.

As I experimented further, my writing practice evolved from a page in my journal to writing 20+ minutes on my laptop. It’s a meaningful amount of time to create. Most importantly, I am able to sustain it, even on an off day where I don’t feel too good for whatever reason.

Twenty minutes usually pass in the blink of an eye, and I always want to write more. That means it is the right amount.

Do it first thing in the morning.

I have the most creative energy in the morning. At night, I’m too mentally tapped out to be useful.

So I have reconfigured my morning routine to support my writing. I now start my day with a 3-minute workout, a 10-minute meditation, and a 3-minute daily reflection. This pre-writing routine helps to awake my body and get the creative juice going.

To avoid distractions, I don’t do anything else before I’m done with writing. I don’t eat breakfast. I don’t check my phone. I don’t get changed.

Stop when time is up.

As my strategy is to sustain a habit every day, it’s critical that I don’t overextend on any given day at the expense of the next day. When I am in the flow, it seems counterintuitive to walk away. But in the long run, knowing when to stop is as important as anything else.

Before I write, I set a 20-minute timer (I love the Time-Timer, which gives me a clear visual how much time is left). On weekdays, I allow a 10-minute extension. On weekends, I cap my writing at one hour.

Make it an enjoyable experience.

When I write, I always have my favorite oolong tea, which I love deeply. I put on my noise-cancellation headphone and listen to same playlist, featuring piano pieces by Ludovico Einaudi. I only write about topics that are meaningful to me. I use a distraction-free writing application call iAWriter. I turn off my wifi.

Every day, I look forward to enjoying this quiet time with myself, my tea, and my mind. In that moment, there is nothing else, but freedom.

If you are gifted with extra 15 days off this year, what will you do with it?

Many of us spend 2-3 hours on our phones a day*. A portion of that time is essential: we connect with family and friends, get map directions, and manage our finances. But let’s be real — much of that time goes to staring at random cat videos and salivating over beautifully filtered pictures.

If we repurpose only an hour of phone time each day, we gain back a whopping 15 full days a year for other things, such as exercise, relaxation, and sleep. Have an important personal project in mind? Redirecting your screen time is a promising way to start.

A critical strategy in reducing phone time is to remove the triggers. No time can be spent on the phone if you don’t pick it up in the first place.

Here are a number of things you can try:

• Place your phone in a separate room (my phone stays in my study)
• Put your phone out of sight when working (I hide mine behind a printer)
• Turn off 95% of your notifications (I only allow text messages)
• Turn off all sounds (vibration is good enough)
• Use single purpose devices (I use a separate timer to track time, a physical journal for note taking, a Kindle to read articles and books without distraction)
• Delete all social media apps you don’t need
• Make your bedroom a phone-free zone
• Respond to text messages in batches
• Cut off work email and instant messaging access
• Avoid making same-day plans (since that requires you to constantly check messages)

Remember, the intent is to redirect your attention and invest the time in other things that matter to you. It’s critical to plan ahead on what to do with your newfound time. The best way to achieve this is to decide on a specific activity when you go without the phone. For example:

• Instead of checking my phone first thing in the morning, I will do a 5 minute workout.
• Instead of reaching my phone when I’m bored mid-day, I will read an inspiring book for 5 minutes.
• Instead of meditating with an app, I will simply meditate with nothing more than my breath.
• Instead of trading text messages with a friend to check in, I will call a friend or propose a fun activity to do this weekend.
• I will go on a 10-minute walk without my phone since the chance of an emergency is extremely low.

Let’s get 2 weeks of your time back this year!

* To check your screen time: If you are on an Android: Go to Settings > Digital Wellbeing and parental controls > Dashboard > Screen time. For iOS: Go to Settings > Screen Time.

“I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.”

My hands were trembling as they reached for the notecard in my breast pocket. I had, of course, rehearsed these lines in all three languages — Chinese, English, and Spanish — many times before the wedding. Yet an avalanche of emotions flooded my throat. I didn’t expect to be overwhelmed.

I paused for a second, took a deep breath, and steadied myself before uttering another word. Breaking down was not part of the plan. I wasn’t conscious of getting choked up in front of our one hundred guests — for the first time in my public speaking career, the crowd didn’t matter at all. Rather, it was important for me to pronounce the most momentous vow of my life with utmost clarity and conviction.

Four years later, it is now obvious to me that, while I understood the literal meaning of every word in my vow, I didn’t have a firm grasp of what it really means. Even today, do I know whether I have the strength to weather the “bad times” with another person? What does it mean “to love and honor someone all the days of my life”? Can I truly live up to this vow?

The biggest lesson I have learned from four years of marriage is the importance of acceptance. When I look back at the last few years of my marital relationship, one pattern is clear: the darkest, most doubtful times come in the moments when I wish things were different. 

As another person becomes an integral part of our life, we have expectations. How can we not? We aspire both individuals in the union to grow. It’s only natural to desire the other person to be more loving, more driven, and more understanding.

“More,” however, can be dangerous. It implies a sense of lack, which can spiral into unrealistic desires for the other person to be different in endless ways. Do you love this person, or the elusive version of the person that you construct in you head? Left untamed, “more” robs our ability to appreciate. It overshadows the many blessings that we already have. 

The way to avoid this trap — in fact, the only way to love — is to accept. The brightest, most joyous times in relationships occur when we fully receive each other as is, no more and no less. It’s the moment when we choose to simply be with the other person. It requires us to create space for the other person to grow in his or her own time. It takes patience, but the reward is worthwhile.

The skill of acceptance doesn’t come naturally to me. But I’m committed to practicing it.

The world mourns this week.

As Russian tanks and troops surround major cities in Ukraine, the peace that endured in Europe in the last 80 years has officially come to an end.

It’s heartbreaking to watch the non-discriminatory attacks on civilians and neighborhoods where people live and work. Under no circumstances should they be military targets.

The Russian invasion is quickly turning into a major humanitarian crisis. Infrastructure is collapsing. Families are separated. Deaths and wounds are mounting. The future is highly uncertain.

What pains me the most is that this is not even Russia’s war. This is the making of one disillusioned man who has lost touch with reality. A bully with a distorted view of glory. A deeply disturbed dictator who puts everyone’s life at risk but his own for the sake of power.

Let’s not forget that the Russian people are also hurting. Russian soldiers are dying. Russian mothers are wailing. Despite the silencing by the Kremlin, ordinary Russian citizens are protesting the war on the streets, even at the risk of arrest and prison time.

While we may feel helpless, let’s be comforted by the love and compassion around the world. Polish, Moldovan and Romanian people have received millions of Ukrainians and provided the now refugees with critical support including food and shelter. Thousands of NGOs are hard at work to bring relief. Even typically pro-Russia countries have joined the rest of the world in condemning this invasion and imposing sanctions.

If you can, please consider donating to NGOs who will provide support to the Ukrainian people.

Two reputable options I have used are:

• Sunflower of Peace: A highly respected organization that provides medical and humanitarian aid to people affected by the perpetual Russian aggression in Ukraine
• International Committee of the Red Cross: The ICRC has been working in Ukraine since 2014 with with a team of over 600 staff members. This will bring emergency assistance such as food, water, and other essential items; support hospitals and primary healthcare facilities with medical equipment and emergency preparedness.

Let’s keep our brothers and sisters in our mind and in our prayer. We don’t know how long the war will last, but we must stay in solidarity with the people.

For when one of us is hurting, all of us is hurting.

Many of us feel overwhelmed by work.

Your job is stressful. Your hours are long. You have challenging colleagues, managers, and clients. Your days are filled with surprises out of your direct control. Too much work, too little time.

Excessive work stress affects your well-being. It impacts sleep quality, impairs thinking, and clouds judgment. When we feel anxious, it’s hard to be fully present with the people that matter to us. This robs us of the joy we desperately need.

Left unchecked, stress can be a soul-crushing vicious cycle.

Create Space

When you feel anxious, you first need some headspace. Here are a few things you can do to relax your body and mind.

• Take a deep breath: Inhale as deeply as you can, hold for a few seconds, and slowly release the breath until you can no longer. Repeat for a few minutes until your breath naturally slows down. Focus on the rising and falling sensation of the breath around your nostril, your lung, and your diaphragm. Give the breath a few minutes of full focus. See how that feels after.
• Take a shower or bath: A hot shower will bring your comfort. If you need an extra dose of clarity, take a cold shower for at least 10 seconds, or for as long as you can endure. You will appreciate how fortunate it is when we have access to hot water. That will change your perspective. If you have a tub and need a special boost today, take a bath. It’s a treat.
• Get exercise: Go for a light walk around the neighborhood or at your favorite park. If you can, play a sport that requires your full attention for at least 20 minutes. Run, bike, or play a racket sport. Sign up for a class in your community. Exercise is not a waste of your time, even if you are busy. It strengthens your body, boosts your mood, and resets your brain. You need it.

Find a Path Forward

Once you are in a better state of mind, here are three things you can try to identify the path forward.

• List what makes you anxious: Grab a pen. Write down everything that troubles you on a piece of paper or in your journal. Be thorough. Include challenges at work and at home. This exercise helps you externalize the sources of anxiety. Once you can see the problems with more clarity, they become less scary. You know what you are working with.
• Observe the list with curiosity: Review your list and ask yourself some questions. Which issues matter the most? Which ones are time-sensitive? Which concerns give you the most pain? On those issues, what is one small action you can try immediately? Does it make sense to ask someone for help? If your friend has this same concern, what advice would you give?
• Identify three small actions: Once you take some time to reflect on your list, select three actions that you can take today to tomorrow. Maybe you need to message a co-worker for assistance, clarify priority with your manager, or set up a one-on-one meeting to align on expectations. Maybe it makes sense to request a day off to take care of yourself, counsel with a friend on a tricky situation, or find a book that will give you a new perspective.

By creating space, you may be able to see the source of your stress more clearly. By exploring a path forward, my hope is that you will identify one or two things you can reduce the tension in your life.

You have a dream.

But you are not so sure. You don’t know whether this dream is truly yours. The outcomes are uncertain. The price seems high. The path looks intimating. Is this dream right? How can we tell?

If that’s you, here’s question that will shed new insights: Are you willing to accept the pain?

All Pursuits Have Pain

If you dream of starting a company, you will face great uncertainties. You may not have a regular paycheck. The divide between home and work will be blurry. You will have to be the CEO and the janitor at the same time on some days. You don’t know whether your work will be a success or a bust. Does that sound acceptable?

If your dream is to be a company executive, you will put in long hours. You will have to answer to a community of people. Your decisions will be scrutinized. The company’s performance will hinge on serendipity out of your control. Do you accept it all?

If you dream of being a professional musician, you will practice thousands of hours when no one is looking. You may not know when the next gig is. A big break may never come. Still on?

If your dream is to be a writer, you will have to write whether you feel like it or not. Some days will flow. Other days will suck. You will hit a wall. Your wrist will hurt. All the while no one seems to care. Still game?

If you dream of having children, you will worry about a million things. You will no longer have the same flexibility you once had. There will be sacrifices. Despite all that, you won’t know whether your children will be healthy, happy, or fulfilled. How does that sound?

The Cost You Pay

Dream is cheap. Pain? Not as much. Whatever your dream is, pain is the cost you pay every day. Pain doesn’t go away. At best, you are trading one type of pain for another.

But once we know that pain exists in every path, we no longer need to look for one without pain. We can be liberated. We simply need to choose the path we can accept.

Along the way, it won’t be all misery. It is always going to be a mixed cocktail of pain and joy. Back-to-back meetings are painful, but management can be a noble pursuit that provides great value to the community. Practicing scale on an instrument is dry, but playing your favorite piece of music will give you life. Changing diapers is tedious, but nothing will beat holding a newborn in your arms.

If you derive a deep sense of joy along with the pain, that’s a sign you may just be on the right track.

Managing money is simpler when we stick to a few principles.

Given that life can throw anything at us, it’s impossible to anticipate exactly what to do in every scenario. Principles serve as helpful guideposts. They allows us to stay true to what matters. They help us recognize the noise so we don’t get distracted.

Simple isn’t the same as easy. It’s like exercising. The benefits of exercising are clear. It improves every aspect of my lives. I should move our body every day. It’s simple, but it takes work. Even though it is simple, I don’t do it enough.

Simple does mean doing less. It involves doing a few things right. In return, it offers us clarity and peace.

The four following principles came together as I learned more about myself and my relationship with money over the years.

These principles are designed to spend the least amount of time on money matters over the long term so that I can redirect my energy to other aspects of my life.

Principle #1: Save With Conscious Spending

Saving involves two components: income and spend. It’s about managing the relationship between the two.

To save means to spend less than your income. If your income is $10k and you spend $9k, you save $1k (a savings rate of 10%).

When you have savings, you build your wealth. Wealth gives you options. It helps you weather the uncertainties in life.

When your savings rate is negative, you withdraw from your wealth. Sometimes that is unavoidable with accidents or major life events. But dipping into your savings due to recklessness is unsustainable over the long run.

How much you have left at the end of the the day matters more than how much you make. You can make $100k, but spend $200k. When that happens, you are enslaved by your own spending.

In Practice

In the short term, you have more control over your spend than you income.

You first need to see your spend. Download your bank or credit card statements. Separate your spend by category: housing, food, shopping, etc.

Pay attention to the discretionary spend. Do you really need that fancy phone, a daily coffee run, and those new clothes? Do you need to eat out four times a week (I’m speaking to my past self on this one)?

Pay attention to the recurring spend. Do you really need five entertainment subscription services on top of your TV + Internet package? Do you even use them? Do they add value to your life or take away your life?

The question to ask is, “Does this spend align with my values?”

Saving is not penny-pinching. It’s about being mindful of what you are spending on, and why.

You may conclude that your grocery bill is a bit high but reasonable, since you get fresh food that nourishes your body. It aligns with your values to stay healthy, use less plastic, and consume sustainably. It can be a wonderful, conscious choice.

Can you increase your savings rate by 1 point this month by making more deliberate choices?

Principle #2: Invest Now/Early

The most powerful force in investing is the amount of time it has to grow.

If you invested $100 in the S&P 500 in 1990, your investment would have grown to $2,500 as of February 2022, with an annual return of 11%. If you invested the same $100 in 2010 instead, your investment would now have a value of $500, even though the annual return would have been higher at 15%.

Why Time Is Important

First, time allows for compounding.

Compounding means the gains from an investment are reinvested for further gains. Say an investment of $100 in 1990 becomes $108 in 1991. If the return on investment is 8% in 1992, it applies to not only to the original $100 you invested, but the entire balance of $108.

The difference is not obvious in the first couple of years. But the math snowballs. The difference over the years add up to a staggering amount.

Second, time smoothes out fluctuations. The world is unpredictable. Every few years we see major events: economics crises, pandemics, and geopolitical conflicts. But if your time horizon is long because you started early, then these blips don’t matter as much.

Despite many recessions, wars, and inflation concerns, the S&P 500 grew an average of 9% annually since 1930, even though there were many years with negative return in between. Over the long term, the economy recovers. Innovation happens. Confidence returns.

What To Invest In

If you are convinced by the benefit of investing early, the next question is what to invest in.

What you invest in is a deeply personal choice.

My choice is simple. My investments are mostly S&P 500 index funds (I use Vanguard and Fidelity), which means that I am investing in 500 companies through one investment.

The long term trend of the American economy in the last 80 years has proved to be persistent. This gives me confidence to hold these investments indefinitely, and let time do the work.

I also like that I can contribute as little as $200, or as much as I want. These funds are also highly liquid, which means they can be converted to cash easily.

I have little interest in spending time on researching the stock market. I tried, but I didn’t enjoy it. I’d rather spend the time elsewhere. That is just me.

While I say start early, don’t feel beat up and look at what you have missed in the past (speaking to myself again on this). What matters is what you choose to do now. Today is nothing but yesterday’s tomorrow.

Whatever you decide, start small to test the water, and go from there.

Principle #3: Evaluate the Trade-offs

Money decisions come with two trade-offs: risks and time.

The Risk Trade-off

You can pour every dollar into Bitcoin. You can borrow money you don’t have (known as a margin loan) to buy stocks. You can play with financial derivatives to speculate the market. Your return can be spectacular if you get it right. But you can also be ruined.

Nothing is free. Higher returns mean higher risks. Risks mean that someone gets lucky and others don’t. The only thing that matters is whether you can accept it.

It doesn’t mean to always go with the lowest risk decision. If you park 100% of your money in cash, the risk is the lowest, but the money loses value due to inflation. Your money is worth less every year.

A rule of thumb is to take risks that will allow you sleep at night. Money decisions shouldn’t come at the expense of your peace of mind. You should know what the risks are. You should ensure that you won’t lose your mind even if the outcome goes wrong.

The Time Trade-off

Contrary to the common saying, time is not money. Time is your life. It’s a non-renewable resource. Every second that passes is a second you don’t get back.

At multiple points in you life, you will face an opportunity to trade more time for more money. A classic example is a new job opportunity or a promotion. You will get paid more, but you need to put more time in. Should you take it?

Sometimes you should. Sometimes you shouldn’t.

If you find the new work fulfilling, it may make sense to trade the extra time with better pay as a bonus. If you already don’t have enough time for your family, spending more time on the job will make everyone more miserable. If the job is going to be demanding but only for a defined amount of time, maybe it is still acceptable because it allows for more freedom and independence down the road.

These decisions are not clear cut. No one can answer for you whether a choice is right or wrong. There is only the choice that makes sense to you after you consider the trade-offs at this point in time.

Principle #4: Create Joy With Money

If you manage to build up a bit of savings or investment, congratulations! Here comes another important aspect of money: spend it to create joy. After all, we are human beings, not human savings.

If I ask what matters to you in your life, you will likely say some combination of work, family, friends, community, growth, well-being, spirituality, or impact to the world. Even if you say money is important, what you really mean is what money enables you to do in these important areas of your life.

Money is not the end goal. That would be silly. Money itself has no intrinsic value. It’s a piece of paper, a number on a screen. The value resides in what it can be exchanged for.

Joy is the simplest, most readily available indicator of what matters to you. It’s in your heart. You can feel it.

Let me give you more examples.

If family is important: Hire a babysitter so you can go on a date with your spouse. Pay for a gardener so you have time to take your kids to a local museum. Take a family trip so you can spend quality time together.

If friends are important: Treat your friends to a nice dinner. Take them to a concert they will enjoy. Buy a fun game so you can play together.

If community is important: Donate to your local church or favorite charity. Sponsor a child’s education in a less advantaged area. Give money to someone truly in need. Expect no repayment.

You get the idea.

These examples involve other people. That’s the point. Joy comes about when we spend money (and energy) on other people.

Focus on creating opportunities for time and experience together. Buy time with money. Stuff doesn’t give us lasting joy. Memories and presence with each other do.

All of the above can also be done with little money. A “trip” can be a local park or museum. Your donation can be $10. A dinner may cost $50. Your intent matters more. Do what you can.

Unlike money, the scorecard of the areas that matter to you don’t show up in a bank statement. They show up in the face of your friends and family members. They show up in the result of your physical check-up. They show up in how you feel when you wake up in the morning and when you go to bed at night.

The ROI of creating joy is infinite. Isn’t that what matters the most at the end of the day?

If I ask you what you want in life, you may say more money, a better job, or a bigger house. Or you may say happiness, purpose, or independence.

But if we look deeply, freedom is all we want. That’s it.

A Fleeting Experience of Freedom

The day I left my first corporate job 7 years after college, an inexplicable sense of freedom overwhelmed me.

When I walked out of that building for the last time, my heart was filled with joy. My feet were light. My grin was uncontrollable.

It was a glorious day. The sun was beaming. I marched on Second Street in San Francisco. I didn’t know where I was going, but it didn’t matter.

I was free. It felt like the world was mine, and I was the world. I was ready to move on. I could go anywhere.

The experience, however, was rather short lived. It lasted for a few days.

This made me wonder, “What Is freedom?”

“Can I find more of it?”

What Freedom Is Not

Once, I was playing basketball with a group. In between every single game, one guy on my team had to take a cigarette break.

When I observed that, I wondered if having the ability to do whatever you want — to smoke whenever the body calls for — is a form of freedom. I didn’t think so.

When we cling to a material solution to avoid our pain or discomfort, we are not free. While the solution may numb us and bring temporary relief, we know this hurts us in the long run. We are imprisoned by the very thing that we thought might bring us freedom.

So What is Freedom Then?

Freedom is the moment we accept. We see the true nature of things. We don’t fabricate a distorted view of the world. We provide space for what’s good and agreeable. We provide space for what’s bad and unpleasant. We accept who we are.

Freedom is the moment we think we have enough. There is no need for more. We don’t need to be wealthier, more beautiful, or more influential. We are fine as we are.

Freedom is the moment we recognize there is abundance. There is more than enough in the world when we share. There is enough sunlight for everyone. We don’t need to keep the sun to ourselves. We don’t have to hoard.

Freedom is the moment we let go of stuff. We are born without material possessions. We will die the same way. There is no need to hold our fists tight. We can open our palms.

Freedom is the moment we let go of outdated ideas. We question whether these ideas are serving us, or we are serving the ideas. We leave behind the baggage from our trauma. We remove assumptions that no longer make sense.

Freedom is the moment we savor. We slow down. We stop running. We eat a piece of fruit, and we taste the goodness of the earth. We sit in a park, and we listen to the wonderful sounds of nature. We spend time with each other, and fully enjoy each other’s presence.

Freedom is the moment we listen to the good desires in our hearts. We pay attention to the soft but firm voices that call us to be better. We grow. We change. We do what we are called to do.

Freedom is the moment we discover what’s already in us. We recognize our gifts. We use our talents. We learn from our missteps. We transform our mistakes into wisdom. We use our weakness to its full potential. We find meaning and purpose inside ourselves.

Freedom is the moment we share. We give what we love. We spread what we learn. We multiply happiness. We recognize we are a community of brothers and sisters.

Freedom is the moment we are present. We know joy and happiness is not somewhere remote, or sometime in the future. The past is gone, and the future is too far away. There is only now.

Freedom is the moment we open ourselves to the world. We are available to possibilities. We embrace change with open arms. We have courage to go down an unfamiliar path.

Freedom is the moment we love. We act in the best interest of another person. We put others above ourselves. We care. We tell each other, “Don’t worry. I am here for you.”

Freedom is the moment we recognize meaning in our suffering. We see growth amid discomfort. We see joy amid pain. We see love amid sacrifices.

Freedom is the moment we become alive. Our body, mind and spirit is in the same place. We are engaged, focused, and enlightened. We know our place in the world.

Freedom is the moment we experience transcendence. We know we are part of something bigger. There are no boundaries. There is no left or right. There is no blue or red. There is no in or out. Everything is interconnected. Everything is in inseparable.

Freedom is in the mind. Freedom is a choice. Freedom is a commitment. Freedom is in every moment. Freedom is right here.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

A vivid bad dream wakes me up. I find myself wide awake in the middle of the night, unable to go back to sleep.

Work problems and life worries surface in my head. I can’t help but to think about them. There is nothing constructive I can do at 2am in the morning. Still, my mind can’t resist.

The clock is ticking. The sense of dread builds up. Another hour has passed, but I am more restless than ever. I toss and turn. I am anxious about work the next day. I’m upset at the situation. I am also angry at myself.

“Why am I not asleep already?”

Eventually, I manage to fall asleep for a short while. It feels like I have lost consciousness for hours. Unfortunately, my bedside clock says it’s been only 45 minutes. I force myself to close my eyes again. The cycle repeats.

Finally, it’s 7am. I should be getting up now. But my body doesn’t move. I am already exhausted before the day has even started.

What Happens When We Can’t Fall Asleep?

This used to happen to me quite a lot, especially in my twenties.

Sleeping disorders are very common. In the US, up to 70 million people are affected every year. That’s almost 1 out of every 4 people.

In the moment of sleeplessness, most things are out of our control. We can’t change whether we get a bad dream or not. We don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night. We can’t control the thoughts that come to mind. They all just happen.

But what wakes us up is not what keeps us awake. Rather, what truly keeps us awake are ideas.

What Ideas?

When we look more deeply, a series of ideas keep us awake. These ideas include:

• “I should solve this problem in my head right now.”
• “I have to follow this thought.”
• “I can analyze my way out of this.”
• “I need energy for the next day.”
• “I should be sound asleep at this point.”
• “I am so tired.”
• “I will feel so groggy when I wake up.”
• “Tomorrow is going to suck!”

The possibilities are endless. We try to solve problems. We make projections. We hold ourselves to an expectation (should be sleeping) that we are by definition not meeting (being awake). We resist what’s happening. We are hard on ourselves.

When we tightly cling to these ideas, we enter into a self-perpetuating cycle of dread. This in turn makes it even harder to fall asleep.

How Do We Usually Sleep?

Think back on how you normally asleep. What do you do?

If you draw a blank or have a hard time answering, that’s because you don’t really do anything. You don’t analyze. You don’t judge yourself. You don’t think about tomorrow.

You close your eyes. You relax. You let the body do its natural thing. All you do is non-doing. That, my friend, is an insight that may help us through the next time we experience insomnia.

What Can We Do Instead?

So, here are a few things to try the next time you face sleeplessness.

1. Accept the reality: You are awake now. Nothing can change what has happened. It is what it is.
2. Focus on the breath: Take a few deep breaths. When you breathe in, you can say, “Breathe in, I know I am breathing in.” When you breath out, you can say, “Breathe out, I know I’m breathing out.” This mantra can help you stay focused on the rising and falling sensations of the breath.
3. Acknowledge the ideas that arise: Ideas will start to creep in. They want to lure you down some rabbit hole. Instead of resisting these thoughts, gently acknowledge them. You can say “Ah, the idea that I should be asleep by now. I see you. I understand you.”
4. Let go of the ideas: Once you create some space for the idea, you can then let it go. Release it as you breathe out. You can say “Idea, thanks for coming by. I’m going to let you go.” As you do it, bring your attention back to the breath.
5. Stay still: If you can, pick a peaceful position and stay with it. Sleeping on your back may give you a greater balance, but do what’s most comfortable for you. After a while, it may be tempting to change sleeping positions. It’s really just another idea. You can say, “Idea, thank you for the suggestion to change my sleeping position. I am also going to let you go now.”

I hope you will be able to find more peace in your sleep. Happy sleeping!

Since the beginning of the pandemic in 2020, most of us have had to stay home a lot more than we used to. Travel, while possible now, remains restrictive.

Many of us, including myself, miss the days where we had more mobility to go further, visit new places, and explore the world. Personally, I wish I could visit my parents, who live thousands of miles away.

The travel limitations, however, have also opened up a new world for me: the nearby.

What’s Right At Home

Over the last year, I started to go on more walks, to ride my bike, and to explore streets that I had previously zoomed by in my car. I discovered a pickleball court five minutes from my house. I started playing with my wife and my friends. It’s been fun.

Many squirrels scamper around where I live. I have come to enjoy observing them. Sometimes I look at them, and they look at me, while feverishly biting at a bit of food they have found. Sometimes they come in pairs, chase each other, and get lost in playing.

I drive within an hour or two to discover new towns, hiking trails, and vista points. I begin to see the variety of architecture, restaurants, and natural beauty all around.

All these things, while new to me over the past year, have always been here. This makes me wonder: why have I never paid attention to what’s right here at home? Where was I?

Anywhere But Here

Before, I used to take one or two trips with my wife every year to another state or country. While planning for these trips, I often eyed somewhere far away. I tried to “check off” places on my “bucket list.” I worked hard for 48 weeks out of the year, so I could finally have some fun. “The further I go, the happier I will be,” I thought.

When I look deeply, this mindset assumes two things.

First, that happiness is external, likely somewhere far away. I have to escape, travel long distances, and I only get to experience it for a few days once or twice a year.

Second, that there is nothing special with my immediate surroundings. What’s close by is not worthy of my attention. When given a chance, I should be somewhere else. Why stick around?

It’s one thing if I had lived somewhere I disliked, but I am blessed to live in Northern California, surrounded by the ocean, redwood trees, and awe-inspiring mountains. I am bathed in the warm sun, breathing clear air under a beautiful blue sky. People travel to California to experience these things.

Yet, for the majority of the year, my mind would be anywhere but here.

Why Somewhere Else?

The constant wish to be somewhere else is, I believe, a main source of our suffering.

For millions of years, our ancestors had to pay attention to what they lacked in order to survive: food, shelter, and safety.

While our material world has dramatically improved, our mind hasn’t evolved. What we lack always commands our attention.

Our brain perpetually scans for what’s available out there. Maybe something better is not far away, because it can’t be here, can it?

This is why even when we are with our loved ones, sometimes we still can’t help but to scroll our phone. Implied in that action, conscious or not, is that we want to escape, even for a few seconds, to a different world that promises to be better, more fun, and more interesting. The brain wants to be somewhere else.

When we chase after that something, that’s the moment when we lose what is right in front of us.

This is why we are never satisfied, even when we make more money, drive a new car, or have more possessions. What we have almost doesn’t matter. The moment we think we own something, we normalize it. We take it for granted. It becomes the new default. The brain goes searching again.

Perhaps this is why humans have long searched for the meaning of life, but often get stuck by this ultimate question. We might have thought the meaning of life was a destination somewhere far away.

But what if the meaning of life is not to arrive at a destination? Instead, what if it’s an invitation, extended to us every moment, to recommit to living fully right here in the present moment, to be with ourselves and our loved ones, in body, mind, and spirit?

What if the meaning of life is not a trick question, but a loving reminder that we can accept where we are, that we don’t have to be constantly running? What if the meaning of life is right in front of us, but we are simply too busy looking somewhere else?

What Does It Mean to Me?

Does this mean I won’t take trips far away anymore? I absolutely will, when I can do it again. I still love traveling. My desire to explore and appreciate the world remains. I also believe the world calls us to enjoy its beauty in a sustainable way.

It does mean that where I go doesn’t matter nearly as much as where my mind is. There is beauty to be discovered in somewhere remote, and right where I am. Where I direct my attention is a choice. It’s up to me.

For now, I choose to be at peace at home.

Morning is an important time of the day. It sets the tone for how the rest of your day goes.

I used to think that I am not a morning person. For most of my life, I slept until the very last minute before rushing out the door to school or office. Some days were memorably bad: I stayed in bed for too long, skipped breakfast, couldn’t find my keys, ran late, and drove like a mad man.

Morning used to be a struggle.   

How I View My Morning Now

Now, I wake up a couple of hours early to enjoy peace and quiet. When I wake up early, I get to experience the transition from darkness to light. It gives me a sense of serenity, hope, and peace. My mind is present. My thinking is clear. My focus is sharp.

The first couple of hours of the day is a sacred time that I protect dearly for my most important activities. I have a morning routine. I do a light workout, meditate/pray, and write. These three things are the most important things to me right now.

By deciding a set routine ahead of time, it frees me from having to decide what to do first thing in the morning. That makes it easy to automatically choose to do what matters most to my body, mind, and soul every morning.

While my routine has evolved over time and will continue to change, the underlying commitment is the same: create time in the morning to do what matters most.

Every morning is an opportunity. When we sleep, we die a little. When we wake, we resurrect with a fresh start. Everything that happened is in the past. Now we receive a gift of a new beginning. What are we going to do with it?

Someday a couple of years ago, I went on to LinkedIn to do some research. A few college schoolmates’ profiles popped up. It looked like some of them became management at exciting companies, started their own ventures, or otherwise seemed to be something exciting.

“Good for them.” I said silently.

I wished all I felt was happiness for them. Instead, a familiar sense of discouragement dawned on me.

“Why did these people seem to have accomplished so much? In contrast, what have I been doing all these years?”

Hooked, I looked up more profiles in my network. The endless stream of information suggested by LinkedIn was irresistible. I went through more than 300 people’s profiles, even people with whom I had no connection.

The urge to keep browsing was strong. The mindless clicking continued. Was I looking for a model to follow, a path to move forward, or reassurance that I did not screw up my life choices?

An hour and half later, I felt more lost than ever before.

The Comparison Cycle

If I break down what happened that day, here is the cycle that repeated 300 times.

1. Look at other people’s achievements

2. Compare myself against those achievements

3. Conclude that I am inadequate, i.e., I did not do enough, or I made wrong choices

4. Develop a sense of despair, loss, and disappointment

5. Ironically, go back to step 1 again and repeat the cycle of misery

I imagine you might have had a similar experience. You are on a social media platform, at a dinner party or watching a video. Suddenly out of nowhere, you are triggered to compare career achievement with irrelevant people in your life.

Someone always seems to have it better. We see others doing meaningful work in a promising industry with higher pay and a better lifestyle. When the glamor is plain in sight, it is hard to ignore.

We all, to some extent, compare. Our brain is hardwired to make sense of where we stand relative to others in the social hierarchy. Successful people are not immune to this, either. It is funny to imagine this: A clerk compares to a manager. A manager compares to an executive. An executive compares to a millionaire. A millionaire compares to a billionaire. A billionaire compares to the 0.001%. The 0.001% compares to a monk who has nothing but leads a simple, joyful life.

Comparison does not stop with more achievement.

Inspiration vs. Comparison

It is important to draw a distinction between inspiration and comparison, as they may look similar at first glance.

If an NBA rookie looks at the best player in basketball history and feels motivated to practice a thousand free throws a day, that is inspiration. The rookie turns an observation of a model into energy to become better. He recognizes his weakness and takes specific actions to improve. He takes the first step — practicing free throws — to create his own path.

Inspiration gives us traction and momentum. It brings focus and clarity.

Comparison, in contract, saps our precious energy. It reduces our sense of worth, fogs our vision, and stalls our growth. It does not guide us to better understand our own purpose and values. It robs the time we can otherwise use to take steps to build our own lives. If you feel beaten, scattered, or lethargic when observing others, you are comparing.

Comparison distracts and burdens us. It brings confusion and misery.

What to do?

The good news is we have the power of choice. We can break comparison with nothing more than what we already have. Here are three practices have helped me tremendously in my own journey. I hope you will find them helpful.

Notice that you are comparing.

I learned this from my meditation practice. When we notice, it’s like we pop out of the bubble and say “Ah, I see what I am doing here.” This awareness creates a space between us and the thought. That allows us to see the thought with clarity.

The key is to simply notice the beginning of the comparison cycle. The practice is to observe thoughts as they happen without judgment.

It is tempting to analyze the thought, but there is no need to do so. There will be a time for that later if you wish. One tool I use when I ruminate on a thought is to say “Ah, yes, but not now.”

This step sounds incredibly simple, but it can be hard to remember. It is so easy to get caught up in thoughts. Yet, building the muscle of awareness is critical. Only with the knowledge of what we are doing in the moment can we start to take better steps.

If it helps, write down the observation on a piece of paper. With practice, it does get easier.

Recognize that you are on your own unique journey.

Imagine you are on a fully occupied flight from New York to London. Some of your fellow passengers live in New York, while others are on a connecting flight from elsewhere. When the plane arrives in London, some cheerfully begin their family vacation. Others go into a high-stake business meeting. Yet, some confront the reality of a sick family member at home.

While your flight passes through the same airports, no one on the plane truly shares the same origin and destination. The group converges, shares the same space for a few hours, and moves on with their respective life journey.

The people we compare to are the passengers on that plane. They have no understanding of where we came from, what we have been through, or where we are going. Most of them will have no bearing in our lives, whatsoever. Isn’t it silly to compare ourselves with them?

Remember this: We are on our own unique journey. We have our own path.

This idea is incredibly freeing, and I go back to it in time again and again. The power lies in the freedom that I don’t need to adhere to a route walked by others. I can accept where I am today, regardless of where I came from. I have the choice to craft my own path.

Even if you don’t know yet which direction you should head towards, don’t worry. The first step in the right direction is to recognize you are on your own path. If you accept this, you have already taken the hardest first step.

Next time when we meet someone who has achieved much in life, celebrate and be happy for them. Then say “Fantastic — they are on their own path. Now let’s focus on mine.”

Write down three things you are grateful for.

When you focus on what you lack, you lose what you have.
When you focus on what you have, you get what you lack.
— Effortless, Greg McKeown

Gratitude is an underrated and underutilized practice in the modern day, yet it is free and highly effective in grounding us. It reminds us of our many blessings. It transforms a mindset of scarcity to one of abundance. It gives us a new perspective.

There is so much to be thankful for. Here are a few easy categories if you have a hard time recalling:

· Material comfort: Food on the table, blanket that keeps us warm, and technology that makes our life easier (imagine your washing machine is broken!)

· Nature: Chirping birds, fluffy clouds, and a beautiful sky. Rain, sunshine, and clean air.

· People: Those we care about, and those who care for us. Think family members, friends, neighbors who have been kind, friendly and helpful.

· Experiences: Work experiences that stretched our brain, travel experiences that made us wonder, life experiences that helped us grow.

· Health: Our heart that keeps our blood flowing, our lung that supplies us with oxygen, our legs that allow us to walk, and our arms that allow us to be work.

· Mind: Most importantly, the beautiful mind that allows us think, create, and choose. No one can take that away from you.

Write down three things you are most grateful for today. This takes thirty seconds but can be the most productive thing you can do.

Today I am grateful for the opportunity to be creative, build my writing habits, and share with you the words you are reading now.

Last week a group of us traveled to visit June, a close friend of mine who recently settled in Austin. We used to live together after college for a few years before we went separate way. Despite the physical distance, we managed to stay in touch in each other’s life.

I was really looking to this trip to take a peek at June’s new life. Also, this was my first time flying after a year and a half of pandemic life.

When we arrived in the suburb of Austin, June, her husband and Bailey, their new poodle warmly welcome us. We exchanged hugs. Everyone had a big smile on their face. There was so much happiness simply to reconnect with each other after a while.

The next few days was a flurry of activities in a short burst. We cooked and shared meals. We biked and explored the city. We took a boat tour. We tried new restaurants. We went to an escape room and solved mysteries. We talked and played board games. We cuddled and played with the family dog. It was a great time.

As I look back at the whirlwind of events, a few things struck me:

· I am thankful for the closest friends in my life: June kindly hosted all of us and set up the space for our comfortable stay. She planned the itinerary, made reservations and even cooked a world-class coq au vin dish. At this stage of my life, I have come to appreciate how precious it is to have such a friend who would go out of the way to show her love.

· There is immense joy simply in each other’s company: Sometimes we try very hard to pursue happiness in our lives, when happiness is simply be in the presence of the people we care about. We had a great time because we were engaged with each other. Being truly present with each other speaks to how we care for each other, and that is the best gift we can give to the people that matter the most.

· The effort to stay connected is worthwhile: As we get older, our lives become more complicated. Schedules are harder to coordinate. Obligations grow. Kids and aging parents enter the picture. Amid all these, however, it is even more important for us to make the effort to dedicate time for each other. It requires planning and commitment, but the deep joy of staying connected is far more rewarding.

Thank you again, June, for your hospitality!